Broken, Beautiful Pieces

Recently, I made a timeline of the influential events that have happened to me since I graduated from high school.  I have a hard time remembering when exactly certain things took place and so it was really nice to have them all sorted out and in order.  Over all I found it to be a really healthy thing to do and as a result I was confronted with how complex a person really is.

There is so much that goes into a human being, into the developing of a personality; there is so much that makes up a person’s life. 

Things that have happened to us.  Things that haven’t happened to us.

Broken hearts, soul-mates, dreams, losses.

We can’t change what’s happened and we can’t see what’s coming next.

Have you ever tried to explain to someone what a first kiss is like?  Or what life is like on the other side of where they are standing?  We usually end up talking too much.

In some strange way this isn’t depressing, at all.  It’s somehow breathtaking.

We are broken, beautiful pieces.

I guess I just wanted you to know that I am in this with you.

In the hands of a Savior, our mess can truly reveal His masterpiece.

Happening in the Process

I’m down there, somewhere

in the middle, underneath, after, and before

the shifting, moving, growing, breaking

waiting for

            the angst

                        to

                                settle.

I don’t like symmetry; I just want to make sense. 

Falling through the day like the music I hear; life on the tip of my tongue.

A patchwork of dirt, love, and bones.  Immortal.  Fragile.

A dream waiting to be realized; happening in the process.

I am His idea.

He is my Reason.

Psalm 139

Crackers and Fools.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I’m learning a lot about this…

“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God.  Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know what they do wrong.  Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.  God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let  your words be few.”  Ecclesiastes 5:1-2

The Bible says that a fool is someone who does not believe in God (Psalm 14:1).  So a sacrifice of a fool is a sacrifice made without faith.  It’s not something that they actually believe in; it’s just something they do because they’re supposed to.  Tradition.  Religion.  Same old song and dance.  Aerosmith, yes.

My approach can be all wrong.  I read the Bible because I did yesterday.  I prayed because I’m supposed to.  I wrote because if I didn’t I would feel guilty.  

Life can taste like a cracker.  Encountering God is a big deal.  Sometimes I need to remember that what I believe is real. Sometimes I need to remember that I’m alive. 

Time to Time

26.  I turn 26 tomorrow.  I don’t think birthdays have ever been that big of a deal to me.  (My parents might tell you otherwise)  They are a big deal to my wife.  I can hear her wrapping my birthday goodies in the other room.  Have I told you how incredible she is?

Time passes in such a strange way.  I’ve always heard people say that time flies, and I mean it does, but it also…doesn’t.  There are some things that seem like they just happened yesterday but they happened years ago and there are others that just happened a few months ago but they seem like ancient memories.  I don’t know why it’s like this, maybe it’s not like this for you, but it is for me. 

I was right about 25.  I always had a feeling that I would get hitched when I was 25; I just knew it.  I’m glad I was right.

Some of my favorite memories were nothing like a favorite when I was in them.  They just kind of grew on me, and now, somehow, they have the nostalgia of a glass bottle of Coca-Cola or a Norman Rockwell painting.

I don’t know why I’m writing all of this, but I do know that time is precious.  We really only have so much of it.  I want to slow it down.  I want to pay attention.  I want to notice the smell and the texture of every moment.  I want to be able to recall my favorite memories for you in a way that you can see and feel.  There is far to much going on all around me for me to be worried about checking the time.

Here’s all the wisdom that my 26 years can offer, and I’m borrowing it from It’s a Wonderful Life.  “He who has friends is never a failure.”  Friends, I love you.  Have a great day.

Scratch’n Sniff

Lately, I’ve been forgetting which direction is hot and which direction is cold on the water faucet.  I have no idea why and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get it right.  It’s a good thing our shower only turns on in one direction.  I don’t think I could handle the options. 

I’ve been married for four months now.  There hasn’t been a second that I have not enjoyed.  I have to say that I’ve learned more about myself during these past four months than I had during the previous 25 years.  My understanding of grace has been deeply enriched.  It’s something like the difference between Sauder and IKEA furniture.  Especially when it comes down to putting the stuff together.  Or something…

One of the things that I love about my wife is that she reminds me that I really don’t need all of the “stuff” that I think I do.  I can be really materialistic.  All of that “stuff” really doesn’t make my life any better.  It’s just more to worry about, and honestly, it’s really hard to beat a good game of Monopoly with some great people.

I’m learning more about what Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 has to say.  You should check it out.

Creativity begets creativity.  I’ve learned that I’m not all that creative on my own.  I need to see what color crayon you use to color your sky.

Speaking of creativity, I’m looking for some fresh, new insight.  Anyone have a good read they care to suggest?

That reminds me.  I promised a few people that I would be more consistent with my writing.  You should help hold me accountable with that.

Last but not least.  I have been blessed beyond belief by the calling God has placed on our (Lindsey and I) life.  God is really up to something with this group of students and we are just excited to be along for the ride.

A Shot In the Arm

Most of the time it’s hard to read the Bible and remember that what I am reading actually happened.  It’s hard to make it real, or personal.  But a few weeks ago I was reading and it felt like I was there and if I wasn’t quiet enough I would interrupt what was going on. 

In Luke chapter 8 a man named Jarius approaches Jesus.  Jarius was the synagogue ruler, which meant he was a pretty big deal, and he was desperate.  The Bible says that he ran up and fell in front of Jesus and begged Jesus to come and heal his twelve-year old daughter who was dying. 

If I were Zach Morris I would say time out and freeze stuff right now.  Put yourself in Jarius’ shoes.  You’ve heard so much about this Jesus, and about all of the miracles that he has supposedly performed.  Could it be true?  Will my daughter be healed?

So Jesus agrees to go to Jarius’ house and on his way this huge crowd comes around Jesus and in the commotion a woman who had been bleeding for twelve years sneaks up and touches Jesus’ cloak and she’s healed.

Time out.  Again imagine being Jarius.  Things are looking pretty good here.  The miracles are real!  This guy is legit.  There’s a really good chance that she’s going to be ok… right?

In the next instance, someone comes up to Jarius…she’s dead.  Talk about a punch to the gut.  I can imagine everything moving in slow motion for Jarius; his insides drop, and all of the sounds muffle together as if he has seashells for ears.

Suddenly something pulls everything back together and clarity returns.  Jarius feels a hand on his shoulder and he is turned around to meet the fiercest gaze he has ever seen.  Jesus says to him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”  The way Jesus says it doesn’t give Jarius an option, he believes, as if it was his idea in the first place.

This is the God we serve.  A God who speaks hope into hopeless situations.  These are the times when He seems to require the most from us, and yet at the same time offer more than ever to us. 

What a great God.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”  Psalm 42:11

Internship

I’m looking for a guy who is interested in a paid summer internship.  You will be leading groups of jr. and sr. students in inner city urban ministry in Dayton, OH.  Email me at ncunningham@ginghamsburg.org if you are interested.

As Good As It Gets

I don’t know if this has developed over time or if it has always been there, but I’m starting to notice some obsessive-compulsive tendencies in my life.  Allow me to share…

Before going to bed I go and make sure the front door is locked.  If Lindsey asks me if the door is locked and I don’t have a mental image of me locking the door, I have to go and check…even if moments earlier I was in fact locking the front door.  (I’m pretty sure that was a run-on sentence)  This actually led me to discovering something that I think is very important.

A few weeks ago we were getting ready to have our very first dinner together around our new dinning room table and I couldn’t remember shutting off the coffee pot in my office at the church.  Now, I was about 99% sure that I had shut it off, but I couldn’t mentally see it happening so, I had to drive back to the church to make sure.  The church is about 15 minutes from my house so round trip it was going to take at least thirty minutes to get back home.  No good.

On the way there I was really frustrated.  I just wanted to sit down and have dinner with my wife and we only have so much time together in the evening.  It got me thinking.  I can sometimes get myself so worked up about whether or not, at 25, I am changing the world.  I can give myself a really hard time about the fact that I am yet to win the Nobel Peace Prize seeing how I’ve had 25 whole years to do it.  I really and truly want to be a part of seeing the world change, but on that night, because of my negligence with Mr. Coffee, I just wanted to spend time with my wife.

If spending time with the people you love isn’t

as

good

as

it gets…

than what’s the point in changing the world anyway?

1 John 4:7, John 13:34-35

These and Those

An update of sorts.

Marriage is incredible.  I recommend it for everyone.  I don’t have a lot of wisdom to offer on how to make it work seeing how I’ve been married for less than two months, but my favorite thing about it so far is understanding everything through the word, “ours.”  She really is the most amazing person I have ever met.  

I love how listening to really good music can feel somewhat similar to warm fire on your face.  A song in particular is Delicate by Damien Rice.  (I think I should be very clear that the fire should not come in direct contact to your face.  Music feels nothing like that, unless your listening to Radiohead)

This one is for all of you musicians.  When you write a really good song, do you feel like you’ve actually created something or is it more like discovering something that was already there?  Just curious.

I am so proud to be a part of this church www.ginghamsburg.org.  God is truly using this place to change the world.  The students that God has led me to are the jam.  Let’s do something guys.  (Referring to both genders involved of course)

I have learned that there really isn’t anything more valuable than good friends.  I miss mine terribly and I am so grateful to have you in my life, even if we don’t live in the same state.  

I have a lot of ideas floating around in my head that I would love to put up here so if you wouldn’t mind, hold me accountable to that.  Thanks!

What a Day.

It’s hard to narrow down a favorite song.  It really depends on when you ask me.  If you were to ask me right now I would tell you it’s a song called, “What a Day”, by Greg Laswell.  This song has had me thinking about some things and you should definitely listen to the tune either while you are reading this or immediately following.  Make sure you listen to the entire thing because the end is the best part.

So many of us have these routines we get into to and our days seem to follow a nice little pattern that have our weeks looking something like a patchwork quilt.  We typically know what a Monday morning will be like and most often than not we are always looking forward to Friday afternoon.

There is nothing wrong with routines or patterns.  I’m still working on developing one myself.  There is a problem though when we make ourselves the victims of our routines; when we convince ourselves that our lives can only be as exciting as the amount of things that happen to us, or as exciting as the job we have, or the place we live.  You know…

“It’s Monday, nothing exciting ever happens on Monday.”

“My life will be so much more exciting when “blank” happens.”

I’ve been discovering the incredible amount of potential that each day holds.  I can remember one morning trying to see how much I could get done while my coffee was warming up in the microwave.  Do you have any idea how many things you can do in a minute and forty-five seconds?  When you get the chance watch a minute go by, it really is a lot longer than you think. 

See, I think that a great day is one that is experienced one second at a time.  It’s not something that happens to us, but it’s one that we actively pursue.  I mean who knows, today could be the day you…

discover a new favorite song…

            read your new favorite book…

                        meet a new best friend…

                                    change someone’s life.

We are not the victims of our routines.  Each day is a gift given to us by a God who has filled it with limitless potential.   So, here’s to you having a great day.

“The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now that when we first believed.”  Romans 13:11b.